Saturday, January 25, 2014


    Camille and LeighAnn have encouraged me to focus on the good things God has for me in the future and to find something positive I can look forward too. Logan and I are going to train for and run a 5K. We had started working toward this before my pregnancy, but shortly after getting pregnant running made me nauseous and I felt awful. We stopped running and shortly after that I got a positive pregnancy test. I talked to Logan and we decided to put it off until after the baby. Well, after the baby came sooner than we thought, but we're going to do it!  I think Camille and her son Dylan may run with us. (Don't worry I won't bore you with a million posts about us running during our training. I promise.)

     I'm working through this online Bible study and today's assignment was to focus on victories this week within the study. It got me to thinking, along with what LeighAnn and Camille said, that maybe I should focus on victories throughout the week as I heal from the loss of our baby. Let me say that the fact that I'm alive and not crying my eyes out every waking moment is a victory. A huge victory. Three other victories stood out to me this week. 

Victory #1~I survived my first encounter with someone who asked about the baby because he did not know I had miscarried. It was hard. I cried. But it wasn't as horrifyingly awful as I had imagined it would be either. It hurt. A lot. But I didn't crumble into the floor. Or turn into a sobbing incoherent mess. Or curl up in the fetal position and wish for death. We talked. We hugged. Life went on. 

Victory #2~I went back to work. It was hard. But I was welcomed back with hugs, lots of love, cards, cookies, flowers, and a great gift of cute office supplies and candy from Elizabeth and Edwin. I received the sweetest notes from my students. Elizabeth and I had lunch. Quite a few of my students were told by their parents why I was out. They told me how sorry they and their families were for my loss. Several told me their mommies had been through the same thing and they now have baby sisters and brothers. The compassion they had for me was so overwhelming. I did have a couple of emotional moments throughout the day where I teared up or cried. My students were amazing. They gave me the minute I needed to pull it together. I did get caught completely off guard one time and had to leave the classroom. Thankfully the kindergarten aid was able to step in. And our secretary who happens to be the parent of one of students hugged me and prayed for me. After a few minutes, I returned to class and we went about our day. 

Victory #3~I survived the most insensitive thing said to me (thus far). Essentially the words your "dead baby" were said very callously to me. My heart stopped. I shook with sobs. And I was ripped to shreds. Thankfully when it occurred I had people around me who comforted me, loved me, and prayed for me until the peace that passes understanding from God took hold of my heart. Once again life went on. It wasn't easy, but I'm a stronger person for it. 

     Joshua and I have been loved and prayed for by so many people through our loss. Your love, prayers, and words of encouragement have helped to make my victories possible this week. Thank you isn't adequate enough, but it'll have to do. 

These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. 
In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." 
(John 16:33 NASB)

Thank you, Brittney, for messaging me this verse. Love you friend!

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