This afternoon, I had one of those I'm juggling too many things and they all crashed down on me moments. I panicked big time.
Then I shared to facebook because surely I wasn't the only person in the world having one of those moments. I got the absolute best advice in the world from a dear, precious friend. Bro. Don commented and said, "It seems to me that you need to collapse into the arms of Jesus, and say, 'Lord I can't but You can.'" I went to Sonic for a vanilla coke and did that just that. I had some texts from a friend who reminded me everything would work out. I just needed to take care of one thing at time, and she reminded me God is in control. I came home, made a list, prioritized it, and then started tackling it.
Later on in the afternoon, I received an email that lifted a big burden off of my shoulders. I finally got some answers to some things we have been worrying about, struggling with, and praying about for a long time. I had shared my frustrations over this situation with someone who looked at me and said, "Trust God's timing. There is a reason it is working out this way. And it's for the better."
I know God is faithful. I know He is in control. I'm so thankful for the wise people in my life who remind me of these truths and point me back to God when I plunge head first into panic mode.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Hello, my name is Kaydi, and I'm a people pleaser.
People pleasing is something I've struggled with all of my life. I have done many things I didn't want to because I didn't want to let someone down. I've also not done things I wanted to because someone else disapproved. It's a deadly trap I walk right in to far too often.
I've been reading The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst. It's all about making wise decisions and discerning which assignments are the ones God has for you. It's been very convicting for me.
I often find myself trying to juggle things in my life to help someone else. Sometimes, I believe God has called me to do that. But I know I've rearranged my life around others plenty of times when I didn't have to and certainly didn't need to. I had more than enough on my own plate without taking something off of someone else's.
I'm working on thinking through the consequences of what my yes or no could bring. Then praying God would give me wisdom and discernment to choose yes when yes is His will, and for the courage to say no when it's not my assignment.
Fearing people is a dangerous trap,
but trusting the LORD means safety.
(Proverbs 29:25 NLT)
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Sunday: The boys were sick, so we stayed home and rested. Sunday evening I finally put out my fall decor.
Monday: Joshua took me to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate my birthday early.
Tuesday: We celebrated my birthday as a family. Only Lucas went to his swim lesson. Logan told me he didn't want to go, so I checked him, and sure enough, he had fever.
Wednesday: We lit a candle in memory of Liana for Pregnany and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Lucas and I went to AWANA and then left early for his make up swim lesson. Logan was still sick.
Thursday: Both boys went to their final swim lesson. Logan still had a slight temperature, but I let him go.
Friday: I drove down to Glen Rose with my mom, Rebecca, and Rachel for Ladies Retreat with our church. Before we left, Joshua took off part of my front dash, so he could fix my iPhone connection.
Saturday: My mom dressed up for the photo booth.
And Alabama had a huge blow out win over A&M (59-0)! Roll Tide!
Posted by Kaydi at 8:34 PM
Saturday, October 18, 2014
The boys finished up swim lessons on Thursday. This week, they had lessons on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Logan missed Tuesday and Wednesday because he was sick and didn't want to go. He went for the last one on Thursday because even though he still had fever, he said he felt like he could swim. Both boys graduted to the next level. Lucas will move to the dolphin class in the spring, and Logan will move to level 3. Logan is still doing this funky thing with his legs from time to time, but he's doing much better at having straight leg kicks.
Posted by Kaydi at 9:16 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. This day has been important to me in the past as I've remembered the babies my sister and our friends have lost. This is the first one since we lost our Liana. I anticipated today being very hard. Like I've lost ground in my healing process hard.
But it wasn't. I stopped and bought a candle to burn in Liana's memory after I dropped Lucas off at school this morning. When I returned home, I snapped a picture of the candle with Liana's sono picture and posted to social media. I shed a few tears as I wrote the caption for the picture. But really I've been okay.
That lit candle has been a symbol of hope today. Each time, I've looked at it, I've been reminded that even in the darkest, blackest moments of grief, there has always been this flicker of hope shining. That burning candle has brought more smiles than tears today.
I think I'm finally coming to grips with the reality that my two biggest fears are unfounded. Liana will never, ever be forgotten by Joshua, Logan, Lucas, and I. I know there are others who will never forget her either. And Liana's life and death have a purpose. We don't fully understand it in our human reasoning. Liana accomplished something in 14 weeks in the womb that I've yet to accomplish in 32 years-God's work for her life. That's all I want for my children~to know Jesus, to love Jesus, to walk with Jesus and do His work. To shine their lights for Him. Just like that candle.
Posted by Kaydi at 10:08 PM