I'm needing you to move
When you don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When you don't give the answers
As I cry out to you
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you
I will trust in you"
Three years ago today, I heard the words "I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat." Losing that baby has been the most difficult path God has asked me to walk.
Then this past Sunday, Ryan spoke these words in his message. "The plans I make are limited to my understanding and selfish desires. God's plans are greater. We have to be willing to let go of our plans."
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized His plan for our baby is so much greater than any thing we hoped and dreamed for her the few weeks, I carried her.
God has been working in me all week about letting go of the disappointment, hurt, and even anger I feel because I did not get my way. I didn't get to keep her.
Honestly, I cannot see how His plan is better than mine. But I trust that it is because in every other circumstance in my life, His plan has been better. Every. Time.
His plan is better in this loss too. Maybe this part of the journey is about growing my faith in Him and trusting His goodness because I cannot see how much better His plan is.
Today has been the most peace filled day I've experienced in the past three years. I'm so thankful for God's goodness and grace to me as He works to transform me to look more like Jesus. I'm thankful for His grace and mercy as I work on surrending my plans to His.