Tuesday, January 14, 2014

How I Feel

Warning: This post is as close to how I feel as I can put into words. I really don't have words that can adequately express how I feel. When asked, my response has been "I'm as okay as I can be." "I'm not okay, but I will be one day." or something else along those lines. This is pretty raw and mostly unedited. 

This post really is for me. So that one day when I'm on the other side of this valley I can reflect and praise God for where He brought me from and for how He made me more like Him through this experience. That hope is what is getting me through each moment. 

I'm angry for Joshua that he never heard our baby's heartbeat or saw the baby move on the ultrasound.

I'm devastated that Logan said he would trade his life for the baby's life. That he will never hold the baby he prayed so long and hard for. That this baby will never know how much Logan or any of us loved him or her. 

It's heart wrenching every time I hear Lucas say that his baby's heart stopped and his baby is with Jesus. 
The truth is we don't know what to say to you anymore than you know what to say to us. We appreciate every word, prayer, and gesture spoken or done on our behalf and, we can feel the love behind them. Thank you for reaching out during this difficult time. We love you. 


  1. I'm so sorry. Just know I love you and I'm always here. Words can't express the depth I feel for you and your family. You've been through so much your entire life, and I've seen you grow in so many ways. Hang in there and know God is the One giving you the strength you need during this time. Love, Kim

  2. Thank you so much, Kim. You have always loved me even when I was unlovely and through some very difficult times. Love you.