Thursday, February 13, 2014

Pity Party Central

     Honestly, I've been tempted to have a pity party all day. It started this morning when I woke up and realized it has been a month since we lost our baby. I immediately got on Facebook and messaged three friends to let them know I was struggling and why I was struggling.

     I thought to myself as I was getting dressed that it was a good thing I was going to work today. A classroom full of fourth or first graders is a good distraction. I had to give make up exams before and after school, again a good distraction. My morning went pretty well. I had a walk through from my primary appraiser and our superintendent and they looked pleased. But then at 11:10 during my last morning class, our admissions clerk called to tell me Logan was running a fever. It was 101.  And inside I fell apart.

     "Why is this happening?"
     "Today is hard enough."

     "I thought we were over Logan's fever."

     "I'm trying so hard to work through my grief."

     "I'm trying so hard to be obedient, even though I really just want to curl up in my bed and hide."

      Then He whispered into my heart "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in your weaknesses." (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV) His grace is enough.

     In that moment, I resolved that I would not let the pity party continue. I would not allow myself to cry until I got home. So instead of sitting in my classroom alone through my lunch break, I went out to the front foyer where Logan was waiting for Grammie to pick him up, and we ate lunch together. Once he was gone, I found people or things to keep myself occupied rather than retreating to my empty classroom to continue my pity party.

     I was obedient. And God is faithful. (Not that my obedience is a requirement for His faithfulness. He's faithful when I am not.) But He blessed me today and I know it was because of my obedience. My sweet friend prayed for me over Facebook. My other friends let me know they were praying. One of my students brought me a Starbucks gift card just out of the blue. One of my precious coworkers asked about Logan because he hadn't seen him today to check on him. I told him about Logan's fever. He asked about the procedures, and I told him we think they went well. He told me "I'm praying for Logan. For all of you. My family is continuing to pray, to lift you up." It's an overwhelming feeling knowing that people are praying for you. To know that people care enough to lift you up.

     Through Bible study tonight I was reminded that God is working all things together for good. There is nothing good about my miscarriage. Nothing. But if I'm obedient and living according to His purpose for my life, He will bring good out of my miscarriage. I have to hold onto that truth. That truth gives purpose to my pain.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28 (NIV)

"I would have despaired unless I had believed 
that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."
Psalm 27:13 (NASB)

P31 OBS Blog Hop


  1. Sweet Sister Kaydi..Thank you for sharing your heart and insight with us. You are right, God is able to bring good from the most difficult circumstances. My prayers are with you also..Michelle Smith (Group 50)

  2. Kaydi, I am so sorry to hear of the difficult circumstances you have and are facing. You've chosen a wonderful scripture to rely on. You and your family will be in my prayers. - Dawn

  3. Kaydi, I think what I was most encouraged by here was your ability to see that God is working out your grief for His good - even though it doesn't feel like it some days. And, that He has placed prayer warriors around you to keep you lifted up. I pray God continues to comfort you and bring you joy.

    :) Missy (OBS Blog Hop Team)