Sunday, July 20, 2014

A Glimpse of How Logan Feels

     Logan is my sensitive child. He is my child who has a bad day at school because a friend got in trouble or was picked on. Logan is also my child who is so happy for his friends when good things happen to them. 

      Logan prayed for a baby sister for a long time. Even before Joshua and I knew if we wanted to have another baby, Logan was praying. I'll never forget the look on Logan's face as I held his hand sitting next to him in the backseat of the car on the way home from school telling him our baby had went to heaven. That is one of the hardest things I have done. 

      Logan worries about me. He watches carefully. Especially when daddy is gone. He knows when I'm having a rough day even if I'm doing a good job of fooling everybody else. He will often sit with me or come hold my hand. He knows when I'm sad about the baby, and he always acknowledges that. He will tell me he misses the baby too. 

     Tonight on the way home from Sprouts, Joshua and I were talking about the bassinet and Liana and then I started crying. Logan got very quite. As we were getting out of the car, he looked up at me and said, "I was so excited about the baby until that day." 

     That day forever changed my little family. It's so hard to know that both boys hurt and are sad about losing Liana. I can't do a thing about their pain anymore than I can do anything about my own. All I can do is hug them tight. And tell them God loves us, and He will help us get through this.

1 Peter 5:7 was the verse Logan and I quoted and prayed over Logan each day of first grade. That year was hard because he went to school every day and three days a week I was at home. It was so hard on him. He had been used to us going to school together every day. This verse is one Logan still quotes often.  He now reminds me of this promise. 

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (1 Peter 5:7 NLT)

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