Saturday, June 14, 2014

5 Months

This was written Friday morning.      

     Today marks five months since I went to the doctor for a normal baby check and left knowing the worst loss I have ever felt. I can still hear Dr. Peppler say, "I'm so sorry kiddo. There's no heart beat." No heart beat. Today the loss feels just as overwhelming as it did in those first moments.  I still look in the rear view mirror at the empty spot between the boys, and imagine them talking to the baby and playing with the baby. I watched them so sweet and affectionate with my niece, Justice this past week, and it made my heart ache. Life has gone on all around me, but I'm still stuck in that moment. Paralyzed by grief and unable to move on.

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