Happy Place

    Today I'm exhausted. A lot stressed. And a little more than frazzled. 

     So in the middle of answering emails and dealing with loud, rowdy boys, I decided to take a trip to my happy place. 

     My happy place used to be in front of the fireplace with a salted caramel mocha and a slice of sweet potato pie with Crimson Tide football in the background.

    I realized today my happy place is no longer a place, but a series of events to relive. Getting a positive pregnancy test in the middle of the Crimson Tide/Chattanooga game. Showing Joshua that test and then sharing the news with Heather, Elizabeth, Krissi, and Leigh Ann. Then texting with Joel after Heather told him and sitting in a baby shower knowing that when it was asked who would be next that it would be me. Then I'm standing in the park with Meg as she takes the pregnancy announcement photo of the boys. Joshua and I are "arguing" about boy names over dinner at Abuelo's. And the sonograms and hearing the heart beat. And my last happy place moment. Waking up that Monday morning snuggled between Logan and Lucas with Joshua and my hand on my growing belly thinking about that moment when it would five of us snuggled up in our king size bed. 

     Then tears slide down my cheeks as reality slaps me in the face. Logan hugs me and asks if I'm okay. I smile and he squeezes me a little tighter. And I realize my happy place will always end as a beautiful tragedy. The beauty in the tragedy is that we have such a precious little person to lose. While I'm not happy she's gone, I am happy that I had her and I have my memories and dreams for her.