Big Enough

     My pastor started a sermon series on the book of Ruth today. I was so excited because I've always loved studying the book of Ruth, and was eager to get something new from Ruth's story. As we read through chapter one together, I connected with Naomi in the story like I never have before. She lost her husband and then both sons. She felt like her world was over. She had lost everything. When she returned to Bethlehem, she told them she was returning empty. She was focused on what she had lost, husband, sons instead of what she had had, a daughter in law who was willing to give up everything for her.

     I feel like I've been like Naomi lately. I've been focusing on what I lost, my baby girl, rather than focusing on what I have. I still have my Joshua, and my boys. So many friendships in my life have been strengthened. Some of the very friends in my life that have comforted me, I have then in turn been able to return the comfort they have shown me.

     As we were reading through the first chapter of Ruth, I was holding back to tears. As Pastor Matt, wrapped up his sermon, he said two things that I felt were spoken directly to me. The first thing was that God often uses the sorrowful, tragic events in our lives to set the stage for a greater triumph. I've known all along that God was working to bring good out of our loss, but I think I've lot sight of that recently. The grief has been overwhelming, and I've taken my focus off of looking for the ways He is working good through the loss of Liana. It also occurred to me that the triumph He brings from the tragedy may not "look" the way I think it will look.

     The second thing Pastor Matt said that really spoke to my heart is that God is big enough for my grief and my anger and my frustrations. I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. I needed the reminder that God is big enough for me in my grief. I let the overwhelmingness of my grief allow me to lose sight of how big my God is. Those tears were tears of relief. I grieve with hope knowing that my God is bigger than the grief. I needed to be reminded that I don't have to carry my burden of grief alone.