Today

     A year ago today, I got a positive pregnancy test. After over three years of trying to get pregnant, it was hard to believe it was true. I took a couple of more tests and waited  In my mind, I still had two more weeks before I reached the year mark. It took me two weeks to let myself believe that we were actually going to have the third baby we had wanted for so long. I didn't even tell my mom until after I had went for the sono at 8 weeks.

     I woke up this morning with a headache and I just felt off. The boys were whiny and Lucas didn't feel well. Joshua had to work, so I stayed home with the boys. I didn't get dressed. When my mom came home from church, she commented that she could tell I didn't feel well. Then I opened up my TimeHop app and saw that positive pregnancy test picture staring at me. I sat on the bathroom floor and cried. I pulled it together. I cooked three meals today. I took care of the boys. But mostly I sat on the couch and thought about what is and what could have been. 

    The best part of today was hearing my boys singing praise songs during our devotional time this morning. God is good. He is faithful. He is near. 

    And tomorrow is a new day.