Lucas's First Day of Kindergarten

     Today was Lucas's first day of kindergarten. Today was hard for me. I'm naturally an emotional person who struggles with my children moving on to the next phase of life. Lucas is the last baby I'll send to kindergarten. Today was so hard for me.

       For Lucas, today was AWESOME!!!! (his words). Joshua and I took him to school and went to kindergarten orientation. Then we kissed him goodbye and sent him off to class. He smiled and was so excited. I went to teach the rest of my classes, and Joshua headed to work. Lucas had PE today with Coach Eddlemon, and of course he loved it! I think he's glad to have one of Logan's favorite teachers as his own.

     He loves his teacher, Mrs. Walton. He kept telling how they had fun. And all the things he got to do today. He told me several times he loves his teacher, and she is nice. He was disappointed when we told him he has to wait until Tuesday to go back to class.

      We stopped and got cupcakes from Big D's to celebrate a successful first day. I'm so thankful for Mrs. Walton and Coach Eddlemon and how they helped my boy have a great first day of school. Wonderful, caring teachers are such a blessing.

     And I admit, I peeked in the window twice to check on him.

One More Step

     Today was another big step for me since Liana's death. I went for my yearly check up. It was the first time I had been back to my see my doctor since my follow up after my D&C when we lost her. Yes, I know I was a little over due. I was suppose to go at the end of February, but it fell on the first ice day we had, so I had to reschedule. That appointment fell on another ice day. Then it was STAAR. I was working five days a week. Then summer came and it was too close to when her first birthday would've been. I was struggling so much. I just couldn't do it.

     I realized two weeks ago that I was running out time because I'll be teaching five days a week again. So I called and the first available appointment was this morning at 11:15-my last day of summer vacation. 

     I woke up panicked this morning. I was emotional and crying. The thought of sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant girls was overwhelming. The last thing I wanted to do was sit there and cry. I prayed. I pulled out the heart Scriptures Leah made me. I was still too upset. Joshua couldn't go because his boss was in his store. I didn't want to take the boys, so mom was out. So I messaged some friends, told them the situation, and asked them to pray. 

      Almost immediately they reached out to me. I even had a friend call me and pray over the phone. I put on my Joy shirt and my Leigh Ann bracelet to help me be brave and off to the doctor I went. I listened and sang (when I wasn't crying) Overcomer by Mandissa and I Am by David Crowder. Those two songs were on repeat in my car for a long time after Liana's death. 

     When I stepped into the office, I immediately felt peace and God's presence with me just as my friends had prayed over me. I sat in the waiting room about twenty minutes and didn't cry or tear up once. 

      My nurse and doctor were so glad to see me. I did tear up when they asked how I had been, but other than that my visit went well and I felt better seeing them. It had been suggested to me that I switch doctors, but I never even really considered that. I love my doctor and nurse so much and they've been through so much with me and my three pregnancies. I just can't imagine going to anyone else. Another friend confirmed that for me. 

      I walked out of that office with such a peace and calmness and with a burden lifted off of my shoulders. 

     God is so good. He is so faithful.

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that 

I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. 

Wait for the LORD; 

Be strong and let your heart take courage; 

Yes, wait for the LORD.”

Psalms 27:13-14 NASB

Happy 9th Birthday, Logan Elijah!!!

     Last night, I was actually up late like I was nine years ago when Logan born. I went into his room, climbed up on the top bunk, kissed him, and whispered, "Happy 9th Birthday, Logan." It brought me to tears to my eyes as I realized that at that moment nine years ago, things with Logan were very uncertain. (You can read about his birth here.) I truly believed we were going to be planning a funeral instead of bringing this sweet boy home from the hospital. In the wee hours of the morning on August 1, 2006, life was very, very bleak. I am incredibly thankful for our friends, Joel and Heather and our pastor, Shawn who came in the middle of the night to pray with us.

     It occurred to me the other day that if we have Logan in our home for 18 years, we now only have half the time left with him to teach and mold him into the godly boy and man we want him to be. That is a very sobering thought. Honestly, it's overwhelming as I look at the world around me. The amount of negative influences we have to combat as we try to train Logan up in the Lord is overwhelming. We must continue being diligent so that we through God's grace will have prepared him as best as we can. 

     This morning Logan woke up and crawled into bed next to me. We laid there and talked for a few minutes. I told him how special he is and reminded him that we must always share the good things God has done for us with others. I told him that God taking care of him at his birth was one of the those good things. Lucas and Liana are two other good things God has done for us. 

     I made him funfetti waffles, whipped cream, and sprinkles for his birthday breakfast. We also had donut holes. He was excited to see the birthday banners and chair cover in the kitchen this morning.

      He wanted a remote control helicopter, so that is what he got, but unfortunately it didn't work correctly. We never have good luck with the helicopters. We ended up taking it back to Target, and exchanging it for remote control Hot Wheels airplane/car. It is working much better.

     Grandma, Papaw, and Justin came over. Justin actually came to stay the night and celebrate Logan's birthday. Grandma and Papaw gave Logan a card. He was so excited when he opened and saw the money. It was the most money he had ever been given as a present before. He spent part of it on two video games, and still have a little bit left to spend on something else. 

     Logan wanted to go to Aunt Calli's house so he could see Calli and the girls. Of course we went swimming. It has been so long since we've been swimming with Calli. She wasn't able to swim the last two summers because of complications from her pregnancy. The girls just love being in the pool. We all had a good time. 

     Aunt Calli cooked pork loin, green beans, and fresh okra from her garden for dinner. She even had cake for Logan.

      We came home, sang Happy Birthday, and ate cupcakes. Logan said he had a great birthday and got everything he wanted.

 

    Dear Logan,

      I love you so much. This past year, you made the most important decision of your life. You decided to follow Jesus, and I have never been prouder of you. I pray that God strengthens your faith and gives you grace and courage to follow Him with all your heart and stand strong for Him. I pray you always spend time in God's Word and treasure it in your heart. If you follow God's Word, you will never go wrong. Following Jesus isn't easy, but He promises to walk to with you every step of the way, and He does.

     I love your sweet spirit and compassionate heart. I pray you always stay that way. It's so easy to be changed by this world, but I pray you always keep your heart tender to Jesus and His Word. You share Jesus with others. You are such a help to me. You are so sensitive to the people around you. You are the first one to give me a hug when I need it, and I never have to ask.

     You love school! You were diagnosed with dyslexia this year. I was worried you would be embarrassed, but you have embrace it and are proud of it. You work so hard, and I'm so proud of you. You never give up. All of your teachers love you and think you are a joy. Mrs. Gordon told me several times, "No one works harder than Logan." Always work hard and persevere. You never get where you want to be in life by giving up.

     You are a treasure and joy! We are so proud of you. I'm thankful for each moment God has given us with you. I'm so thankful that even though you had such a rough start to life, God has redeemed that and used it for His glory. You are so my special boy, and I love you so much.

Love always,

Mommy

"Yes, the LORD has done amazing things for us! What joy!"

Psalm 126:3 NLT

Lucas's Dental Surgery

     Last Wednesday was Lucas's dental surgery. Lucas is our least cooperative child, so we were very nervous about how things were going to go. He couldn't eat for eight hours before, and he's our child who wakes up demanding Pop Tarts. Thankfully he slept until it was time to get him dressed and go. Joshua brought him to me and as I got him dressed, I explained that we were going to the dentist to get his teeth fixed, so they wouldn't hurt anymore when we brushed them. He smiled and said, "Ok". I told him we were wearing our "Joy" shirts so we could be brave like our friend, Joy. He liked that.

     We love their dentist and the office staff. Everyone is always so friendly and helpful. Surgery day was no exception. The anesthesiologist and his assistant were awesome and made me feel so at ease. I was extremely nervous about Lucas having anesthesia because it was his first time. I was also nervous because we were in the dentist's office and not the hospital. I was worried about what would happen if something went wrong, but he told us that he had everything with him at the office that he would have in the hospital. Of course, Lucas had no problems. The anesthesiologist talked with Lucas and played with him. He gave him a big pinch when he gave him his shot, so hopefully he wouldn't realize he was getting a shot. The shot put Lucas in LaLa Land and made him look like a zombie. He just stared straight ahead. It freaked both of us out, but they had prepared us for it and told us it was normal. Joshua was holding him when he got his shot and while it took affect. Then Joshua was holding him again when he woke up. They do this so that hopefully the kids won't remember anything but being in their parent's arms. Here is Lucas and Joshua before the shot.

     Lucas had three extractions with three spacers put in to the hold place for the permanent teeth. He had two root canals and four crowns and two other fillings. Poor baby has his Grammie's bad teeth. The surgery took about two hours. It took him a little longer than usual to come out of the anesthesia. I told them he was a hard sleeper, and they said that was probably why. They said he was asleep the entire time. They also said his blood pressure and breathing were great and even throughout the procedure. To be able to go home, he had to give the doctor high five and look him in the eye. After 20 minutes, he was able to do that and we headed home. Here he is on the way home. I rode with him in the back to make sure we kept his head up.

     His first coherent request was for his Ninja Turtle. Lucas, Leonardo, and I sat snuggled on the couch together for most of the day on Wednesday. 

     As he became more coherent, he started asking when it (the anesthesia) was going to wear off. He told us he saw two TVs and he didn't want two TVs. Just one. Finally, he said he could see the TV better. He was happy to eat popsicles, yogurt, and mac and cheese all day.  He did get up and play with his legos for a little bit in the afternoon. But after that he back with me on the couch. 

     The next day when he woke up, we asked him how he felt and he told us, "Great!" with a big smile. For two days, we asked how he felt and his response was "Good." or "Great!". On Saturday, Joshua asked how he felt and got the usual response. Then he asked about his mouth. Lucas said, "It hurts. It always hurts." Poor baby had been hurting, but hadn't said anything about it. Even now, he only tells us his mouth is hurting if we ask how his mouth feels. Today he said it didn't hurt as much. This picture was taken on Thursday morning. 

     Thank you to everyone who prayed for Lucas. We love and appreciate y'all!

Reflections

     I've been painfully aware all day today that we would've been planning or celebrating Liana's first birthday. The truth is I still really struggle with her loss. I still think about her every day. I miss her every day. I wonder who she would've looked like. I wonder what her personality would be like.

     I still have that empty bassinet in my room. I'm just not quite ready to let it go yet. 

     Will we have more children? We don't know. Only God knows His plan for our family. Right now, we are just trying to love our boys, take care of them, and show them what it looks like to love and walk with Jesus. Are we perfect? Far from it. Do we mess up? Way more times than we get it right. But we keep trying. 

     I've learned so many lessons through Liana's loss. 

     Joy and thankfulness are choices I must make each day and in each circumstance. 

     Jesus is enough. I never ever thought I could survive losing one of my babies. But I have. And maybe I would have never truly understood that Jesus is all I need without losing her. 

      Life is hard, but Jesus is good. He's been so faithful to our family. And we have watched God work to bring good from our loss. 

     I love Liana so much. I'm so thankful for the time God gave her to us. And I'm thankful for the ways my faith in Jesus has been strengthened because of her. 

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”

Psalms 27:13-14 NASB

Logan Update

     Last week, Logan had fever all week. We went on day 4 and was told he had a virus.

     This week we were fever free almost exactly 24 hours before the fever was back with a nasty cough. I took him back to the doctor this afternoon, and he has pneumonia. 

     He was given antibiotics and an inhaler. Since his fever hasn't been too high yet, they did not give him a shot, but if he spikes, we're going back for one. 

     We've got two weeks to get him healthy before church camp. We're ready for this sickness to be over. 

Happy Independence Day!!!

     We've had a pretty lazy day. Logan has been sick since Monday and is still running fever. 

      We watched How To Train A Dragon. Lucas thinks this is the most comfortable way to watch movies. 

      And I gave in and let the boys ride their bikes. They've been begging to all week. We went outside for thirty minutes. 

      Joshua and I watched Independence Day while the boys played video games. I made chicken fried rice for dinner.

     But most importantly we're thankful for this guy. And the many other men and women who serve our country to protect our freedom. We love you, Uncle Josh! Stay strong! 

      Happy Independence Day!!!