Reflections

     I've been painfully aware all day today that we would've been planning or celebrating Liana's first birthday. The truth is I still really struggle with her loss. I still think about her every day. I miss her every day. I wonder who she would've looked like. I wonder what her personality would be like.

     I still have that empty bassinet in my room. I'm just not quite ready to let it go yet. 

     Will we have more children? We don't know. Only God knows His plan for our family. Right now, we are just trying to love our boys, take care of them, and show them what it looks like to love and walk with Jesus. Are we perfect? Far from it. Do we mess up? Way more times than we get it right. But we keep trying. 

     I've learned so many lessons through Liana's loss. 

     Joy and thankfulness are choices I must make each day and in each circumstance. 

     Jesus is enough. I never ever thought I could survive losing one of my babies. But I have. And maybe I would have never truly understood that Jesus is all I need without losing her. 

      Life is hard, but Jesus is good. He's been so faithful to our family. And we have watched God work to bring good from our loss. 

     I love Liana so much. I'm so thankful for the time God gave her to us. And I'm thankful for the ways my faith in Jesus has been strengthened because of her. 

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”

Psalms 27:13-14 NASB