Tuesday, August 11, 2015

One More Step

     Today was another big step for me since Liana's death. I went for my yearly check up. It was the first time I had been back to my see my doctor since my follow up after my D&C when we lost her. Yes, I know I was a little over due. I was suppose to go at the end of February, but it fell on the first ice day we had, so I had to reschedule. That appointment fell on another ice day. Then it was STAAR. I was working five days a week. Then summer came and it was too close to when her first birthday would've been. I was struggling so much. I just couldn't do it.

     I realized two weeks ago that I was running out time because I'll be teaching five days a week again. So I called and the first available appointment was this morning at 11:15-my last day of summer vacation. 

     I woke up panicked this morning. I was emotional and crying. The thought of sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant girls was overwhelming. The last thing I wanted to do was sit there and cry. I prayed. I pulled out the heart Scriptures Leah made me. I was still too upset. Joshua couldn't go because his boss was in his store. I didn't want to take the boys, so mom was out. So I messaged some friends, told them the situation, and asked them to pray. 

      Almost immediately they reached out to me. I even had a friend call me and pray over the phone. I put on my Joy shirt and my Leigh Ann bracelet to help me be brave and off to the doctor I went. I listened and sang (when I wasn't crying) Overcomer by Mandissa and I Am by David Crowder. Those two songs were on repeat in my car for a long time after Liana's death. 

     When I stepped into the office, I immediately felt peace and God's presence with me just as my friends had prayed over me. I sat in the waiting room about twenty minutes and didn't cry or tear up once. 

      My nurse and doctor were so glad to see me. I did tear up when they asked how I had been, but other than that my visit went well and I felt better seeing them. It had been suggested to me that I switch doctors, but I never even really considered that. I love my doctor and nurse so much and they've been through so much with me and my three pregnancies. I just can't imagine going to anyone else. Another friend confirmed that for me. 

      I walked out of that office with such a peace and calmness and with a burden lifted off of my shoulders. 

     God is so good. He is so faithful.

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that 
I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. 
Wait for the LORD; 
Be strong and let your heart take courage; 
Yes, wait for the LORD.”
Psalms 27:13-14 NASB

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