He is Not Surprised

     Honestly, I've been struggling again since that positive pregnancy test popped up on my TimeHop feed. And I've been dreading each major holiday since my due date because it would've been Liana's first Halloween, Thanksgiving, etc. The thirty days of thankfulness that I've been posting on Facebook has been so helpful for me. To focus on what I have, and try to not focus so much on the fact that I should have my baby girl right now, and I don't. I have been working so hard at staying in the Word, and giving my sorrow to the Lord.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

I Peter 5:7 (NIV)

     When you hear something one than once, you know it's time to listen up. Yesterday in Sunday school, a couple was sharing their testimony of moving Texas and how things haven't worked out the way they thought. Then Brice said, "God was not surprised by those things. You were, but He wasn't." It brought tears to my eyes, and a few tears escaped during our closing prayer.

     Then this morning as I was reading Chapter 3 on the goodness of God in Max Lucado's Before Amen, and there it was again on the top of pp. 24. "He's never surprised. He has never, ever uttered the phrase 'How did that happen?'".

     That morning when we couldn't find Liana's heart beat, and then confirmed with a sonogram that her heart wasn't beating. I was surprised. Stunned. Blindsided.

     But God wasn't. He knew before time began that I would be sitting in that exam room when my world would fall apart. He knew the moment when her heart would stop beating. He knew exactly how much time we would have her.  He knew I would still be struggling all these months later. He wasn't surprised by the depths of my emotions or the immensity of my grief.

     He was good a year ago, when we were eagerly anticipating the arrival of our baby. He was good ten months ago, when I didn't hear my baby's heart beat. And He's still good today when I feel like I'll be swallowed whole by my sadness and grief.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!

His faithful love endures forever."

Psalm 136:1 (NLT)

     There are a lot of things I am thankful for:

• my husband.
• my boys.
• God's goodness. 
• His faithfulness.
• my list could go on and on.

But, today, I am most thankful that He is never, ever surprised.

"Only I can tell you the future before it even happens.
Everything I plan will come to pass,
for I do whatever I wish."
Isaiah 46:10 (NLT)