Different Circumstances

     This morning as we drove to a friend's house for a play date, we passed a field that had a lot of men in jeans and hoodies standing around by the side of the road. The boys asked what all those men were doing, and I explained they were waiting, hoping someone would stop and hire them to work. One of the boys said they hoped they got work soon so they didn't have to stand in the cold. I explained that if they did get a job to do, it may very well be an outside job. I told the boys all of them would be happy for a job, even one in the cold, because they would earn money to take care of themselves and their families. Then we talked about how thankful we should be that our daddy has a job to go every day, and he makes enough money to take care of our family. And he gets to work inside where he is protected from the weather and safe. I hope the image of those men on the side of the road stays with them. That when they think of them, it prompts the boys to thank God for the things He has provided for our family. 

     It was a good reminder for me as well. In the 13 years Joshua and I have been together, we both have always had good paying, steady jobs. In the past, we may have struggled financially because of unwise choices, but we always knew we had a job to go to. We've always known when our next paycheck is coming and how much it's going to be. We've always had everything we needed and been able to get most things we've wanted. 

     I'm humbled as I think about those men. We've not always made wise choices nor have we've always been faithful to do with our finances what God has called us to do. And yet He has been overwhelmingly good to us in this area. 

     I hope the image of the men on the side of the road stays with me as well. That it prompts me to thank God for His goodness to our family. It is only God's grace through His goodness that has allowed us a different set of life circumstances. May we always be thankful for His goodness and grace in our lives no matter the circumstances we are in. 

Fearless

     As I reflect on 2016, I realize how much I wrestled with fear this past year. A lot of that was due to the amount of uncertainty and change our family went through. I realized that fear caused me to run ahead of God to take care of things on my own. It also caused me to drag my feet for fear I wasn't receiving the correct message from Him. In reality I was fearful of the unknown, failure, and my own inadequacies.

     As I prayed about what I am to focus on this year, the word fearless kept coming to mind. I need to wait on God and His perfect timing. I need to move forward courageously when He makes it clear to me what I am to do. 

     To both wait on God and move when He tells me, I need to be fearless. For me, fearless means studying His Scriptures daily-looking for and living the application to my life He reveals to me. Fearless means being confident that God holds the bigger picture and is working all circumstances for my good and His glory as I am faithful to Him. Fearless also means relying on Him to equip me for the work He has called me to do. And remembering any work accomplished in my life is done through Him and His strength. I can't accomplish the work He has called me to do on my own. If I could, I wouldn't need Him. 

     God has also brought this verse to mind many times as I have prayed about this upcoming year. 

Wait patiently for the Lord. 

Be brave and courageous. 

Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. 

~Psalm 27:14

     I am committed to fearlessly waiting on the Lord, accepting what He wants me to do, and faithfully pursuing His call in 2017.

A Stripped Down Christmas

     I've been struggling this Christmas season. Fighting sadness and grief without necessarily understanding why. If I were to be honest with myself, I'm sure there's more than one reason. All of which, I'm sure, are rooted in the fact I haven't gotten my way because God's plan is different from mine.

I've had to ask myself some hard questions.

Who I am looking to to bring me joy?

Where I am looking for peace?

Where have I placed my hope?

If I stripped everything about Christmas down to the baby in the manger, would it still be Christmas to me?

     I wish I could say the answers are Jesus and yes. While pointing others to Him, I've struggled to keep my eyes focused on Him. I've battled the desire for pity parities rather than focusing on every blessing He's given.

     Last night as I laid in bed with tears trickling down my cheeks, this verse came to mind:

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see 

the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

 ~Psalm 27:13

     The baby in the manger means hope rather than despair, joy rather than sadness, peace rather than grief. Jesus is the goodness I experience right here and now. When everything around me feels meaningless and disappointing, Jesus brings meaning and satisfaction.

     Christmas IS the baby in the manger. Without Jesus, everything else is empty tradition.

     Maybe it's time for me to strip away my idea of Christmas and get back to just Jesus.

Feelings Can't Be Trusted

     I am reminded again today how untrustworthy feelings are. Earlier this week my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude and joy for all the Lord has given me.

     The last couple of days I've wrestled with insecurity and rejection. It's so easy to wallow in self pity. But wallowing will feed the insecurities racing through my mind. 

     Feelings are always changing which is why they can't be trusted. The most successful way to battle insecurity and rejection is with truth-God's truth. 

     So I read and prayed through Psalm 139 and Ephesians 1:3-8. Such rich passages of Scripture reminding me how loved and valued I am by my Creator and Savior. As I soak in the truth of His Word, I am overwhelmed by the peace only Jesus gives. 

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”~John‬ ‭14:27‬ 

A Well Lived Life

      This morning we celebrated the well lived life of my precious friend, Elizabeth. It was so evident how much she loved and encouraged every one who came in contact with her. No words will ever be adequate to describe how much she means to me and how much I love her. 

     I feel like I've lost my way a little bit without her. Joshua​​ told me as we were getting ready this morning, "It's okay, Kaydi. It's just hard when people have run the good race and fought the good fight. And they finish before you." He is so right. I love how every person who spoke today pointed back to Jesus because that's what Elizabeth always did. 

     I want to be the person who runs the race well, who fights the good fight, and points people back to Jesus. I will be forever thankful for every memory I made with my precious friend, Elizabeth. The last lunch date we had back in June, it was so evident to me she was in pain and she hardly ate at all. Yet our conversation was filled with her concern for me, and God's faithfulness to her. She assured me I didn't need to worry about her. God would take care of her. And He did. Elizabeth received her healing and reward. 

     As we drove home today, I thought about when she had her stroke on June 23, 2014. We weren't sure then if she was going to make it. I had lost our baby girl, Liana Elise 14 weeks in the pregnany in January 2014. I just remember telling God, You took my baby. Please don't take my best friend too. I need her. And God was kind enough to give me two more years with Elizabeth. I had two more years with Elizabeth's example of living well, running the good race, and fighting the good fight. Two more years to learn from Elizabeth what it means to encourage and truly, selflessly love others. 

     I will spend the rest of my days trying to live out the lessons God taught me through Elizabeth. 

“I have fought the good fight, 

I have finished the race, and 

I have remained faithful.”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭4:7‬ 

Elizabeth

     This afternoon, I walked into my friend Krissi's classroom to deliver some gift cards for our friend. Krissi's students were the first class Elizabeth and I taught at UME. They were writing journal entries about Elizabeth. Then Krissi reminded me she needed something about Elizabeth from me. I just teared up. I've sat down to write about her on this blog many times since her death. And I just can't. No words will ever be adequate enough and my emotions are still so overwhelming. I dread walking into the building every morning. It just feels empty without her. Once my students arrive, I'm fine. This loss is so very hard for me. I emailed Krissi what I wrote on Facebook, the day Elizabeth went home to be with Jesus. This is what I posted that day.

Kaydi Putman Shaw with Elizabeth Terry Shafer.

August 26 at 4:24pm · 

This morning, Jesus called one of His beloved, my best friend, Elizabeth home. She is healed, whole, and happy dancing at His feet. Many times over the last 5 years, we have said that God knew we needed each other and perfectly orchestrated events so our lives would intersect. She has always been able to see me-the real me. And she loved me as I was faults and all. She pushed me to be a better teacher, wife, mother, friend. She always pointed me back to Jesus. She took me by the hand and walked through one of the darkest times of my life with me. I was a broken, grieving mess and she held my hand until I could find the light again. I am a better person because I knew her. My heart is shattered over her loss, but how thankful I am to have loved her so deeply that her loss hurts this much. I was reminded today over and over by people who knew us how much she loved me. As I drove onto our school campus this morning trying to hold it together so I could honor her by putting on a smile and teaching my babies like she would have wanted me to do, I saw a beautiful rainbow peeking out between the clouds. What a beautiful reminder of God's faithfulness to Elizabeth as she received her eternal reward this morning and a beautiful reminder to me that He will be faithful to those of us left behind. Elizabeth, I love you. One day we will dance together at the feet of Jesus.
“Precious in the sight of the LORD Is the death of His saints.”~Psalms‬ ‭116:15‬ ‭

 

     About a week after Elizabeth died, her husband came to check on me after school. He told me it brings him peace, it makes him feel better knowing that Elizabeth is in heaven holding my baby. I miscarried that baby at 14 weeks in January 2014. I wouldn't have made it through that time without Elizabeth. She always remembered the anniversary of the date I miscarried and the anniversary of Liana's due date. Even this summer while in the hospital after her surgery, she texted me a day or two after the date to let me know she remembered and to apologize for not texting me that day. I remember thinking what a rare treasure of a friend she is. She was fighting for her life, and she was still worried about me. Treasures like Elizabeth are a rare find. May I always live in a way that honors our friendship and brings glory to our Savior. 

First Week of School

      We went back to school this week. Monday was Open House. The boys were excited to "meet" their teachers. When your mom teaches at your school, you often know at least most of your teachers. We bought Logan PE uniforms. He dresses out for PE this year. Yikes! I can't believe he is old enough for that.

    On Tuesday afternoon, we went to see Nonnie for our back to school hair cuts. The boys are getting pretty good at telling Nonnie what they want done.

      Wednesday was the first official day. The boys agreed on cinnamon rolls for their special first day of school breakfast. This is actually the first year they started on the same day. That was a little surreal.

     We snapped a couple of quick pictures before heading out the door. 

     The boys had a little bit of anxiety because they mixed up the classes this year. Logan has been with the same group of kids for three years. But that was quickly gone once they realized they still had good friends in their classes even if they didn't have all their best buddies.    

     The boys love of their teachers. Daddy was happy to come home to three happy campers each night. I feel like this will be great year for both boys. Joshua and I are so thankful for the group of people who make up Team Lo and Team Lu. I know this will be a successful year for the boys.

     Lucas and I are so excited that his music teacher was my elementary music teacher! She was always one of my favorite teachers. It's just a blessing that Lucas will get to experience her music class.

     I have two brand new classes this year. The kiddos seem super sweet and eager to learn. I'm blessed to have a few that I've taught siblings or we're friends with their families. It's always a blessing to serve my friends by teaching their children. I was modeling our all about me book, and I asked one of my little scholars who knows me what he thought one of my hobbies or interests are. I was thinking he would say Alabama football, but his response was so much better, "having me in your class!".

     We are looking forward to an awesome school year!