Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Two Years Later

     It has been two years since I heard the words that ended my world-"There's no heartbeat." Those words shred my heart and bring tears to my eyes still. 

     I think about our baby every day. Over the course of the last year, I've gotten to the place where I can sometimes talk about her and/or the miscarriage without crying. I count that a victory. It's been a long time since I cried myself to sleep (that streak may end tonight though). I count that a victory too. 

    I think about her every day. Every day my heart aches for her. I wonder what she would look like. What her personality would be. There are days when the overwhelming grief comes out of nowhere and it feels like it did that first day. But those days do not occur as frequently as they once did. 

     I'm realizing that letting go of my grief doesn't mean I let go of her. Liana changed me. A big part of who I am today is because of what the Lord has taught me through this. 

     God is good even in the most difficult circumstances. He is faithful. He heals. He restores. I know because He is and is doing these things in my life. 

     Two years ago I decided I wanted to walk through this and look more like Jesus on the other side. It's still my desire. 

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