Incomprehensible Peace

Sometimes God takes us places we would not choose to be because that’s the right path to get you where He wants to be. -Ryan Christopher 

These words changed my perspective today like the moment in the morning when I put my contacts in and my fuzzy world is instantly viewed with crystal clear clarity. 

It is no secret that a little more than four years later, I still deeply feel and grieve the loss of our baby girl 14 weeks in my pregnancy with her. In some ways, I’ve come so far in working through that loss. In other ways, I’ve taken baby steps if I have made any progress at all.

It struck me today that “the why” I’ve so desperately wrestled with is rooted in this statement made by my pastor this morning. I would have never chosen losing my Liana Elise. Just as I would never choose to lose any of my boys. But it needed to happen to get me where I am today-right where God wants me to be. 

I know how crazy that sounds. I’d be lying if I said I totally understand it. Because I don’t. My finite mind can’t come close to comprehending all the intricacies of God’s plan for His glory in my life and my family’s lives. As I thought to myself how this sounds, the Scripture in 1 Corinthians 1 came to mind: 

“God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish.”~1 Corinthians 1:20

And this Scripture: 

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” ~Isaiah 55:8-9

The epiphanies related to this loss are normally accompanied with tears. This time as I sat in my seat, there was nothing but peace I cannot comprehend. Even as I’ve continued to ponder this and as I type now, there are no tears. Just overwhelming, incomprehensible peace. I can honestly say it is well with my soul. 

I Hear You Loud and Clear

     Last week, I shared how God has changed my prayer in regards to a specific request. Every time I pray about this specific thing, my prayer has become, "Your will be done." In all honesty, it's a scary prayer because for His will to be done, it may mean my desire changes. Yet, I've felt more at peace and free than I ever have in this area. 

     This week, I had the flu. Which meant as I was lying around, I had a lot of time to think...which can get me into trouble because then I worry. 

     But God is so good because this morning, He gave me reminder after reminder that I don't need to worry because His plan is best. 

     Before I even got out of bed, I opened the Bible app on my phone, and this is the first verse I see.

     As I thought about what to post with it these lyrics came to mind:

"When you don't move the mountains
I'm needing you to move
When you don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When you don't give the answers
As I cry out to you
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you
I will trust in you"

(Lauren Daigle, I Will Trust In You)

     My heart was encouraged as I got my day started. Then on the way to school, we listened to the Praise and Worship station on Apple Radio. The message was repeated in almost every song we heard. 

"It will be my joy to say Your will Your way

It will be my joy to say Your will Your way

It will be my joy to say Your will Your way always"

(Chris Tomlin, Lay Me Down)

"My life

I know it's never really been mine

So do with it whatever You like

I don't know what Your plan is

But I know it's good, yeah

I wanna tell You now that I believe in

I wanna tell You now that I believe in

In You, so do what You do, oh"

(Francesca Battistelli, Write Your Story)

"You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name"

(Matt Redman, Blessed Be Your Name)

     As I pulled into my parking spot at school this morning, I told God," I got Your message loud and clear. There's no need for me to worry because Your plan is best. Your plan will prevail." 

     Your will be done. 

Sweet Surrender

     Yesterday I attempted to pray the same prayer I've been praying for quite a while. Instead, every time, these words came out, "Thy will be done." The honest, ugly truth is often times when I pray His will be done what I really mean is I need my will to be Your will, and I need it on my time table. 

     As I've attempted to pray the same prayer again with those four words coming out instead, I have realized as much as I want what I want, I've grown enough on my faith journey to know His plans are so much greater than mine. And though I often can't see or understand the why, I know the best and safest place to be is right where He wants me. Even if it's not where I think I want to be. 

    He has changed my prayer, but the desire of my heart remains the same. So I'll continue to pray until He grants my desire. Or changes it to match His. 

     There is such freedom and peace that  comes with the sweet surrender of "Your will be done." 

Letting Go of My Plans

     Three years ago today, I heard the words "I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat." Losing that baby has been the most difficult path God has asked me to walk. 

     Then this past Sunday, Ryan spoke these words in his message. "The plans I make are limited to my understanding and selfish desires. God's plans are greater. We have to be willing to let go of our plans." 

     Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized His plan for our baby is so much greater than any thing we hoped and dreamed for her the few weeks, I carried her. 

     God has been working in me all week about letting go of the disappointment, hurt, and even anger I feel because I did not get my way. I didn't get to keep her. 

     Honestly, I cannot see how His plan is better than mine. But I trust that it is because in every other circumstance in my life, His plan has been better. Every. Time. 

     His plan is better in this loss too. Maybe this part of the journey is about growing my faith in Him and trusting His goodness because I cannot see how much better His plan is. 

     Today has been the most peace filled day I've experienced in the past three years. I'm so thankful for God's goodness and grace to me as He works to transform me to look more like Jesus. I'm thankful for His grace and mercy as I work on surrending my plans to His. 

Ringing In 2017

        This is the first year Joshua has ever had a three day weekend over the New Year holiday. We enjoyed a quiet family weekend at home.

     On Saturday, we ran errands before the Alabama game. After the game and dinner, we popped popcorn in our new popcorn popper courtesy of Aunt Kourtney and Uncle Coty. The boys have been enjoying trying out all the seasonings they bought to go on the popcorn. Then we played Mario Party 8 on the Wii until just before midnight. Then at midnight we had our sparkling apple cider and gummy bear toast before heading to bed.

     Sunday morning we headed to church for worship and heard a great message about the importance of using the Bible as a guide for our lives. We enjoyed a lazy movie day and made brownies for Daddy.

      On Monday, we ran more errands which included a trip to their favorite store-Home Depot. Then we finished packing up and putting away Christmas.

     The boys and I were sad to see Daddy go back to work on Tuesday. We always enjoy when he's home with us. 

Different Circumstances

     This morning as we drove to a friend's house for a play date, we passed a field that had a lot of men in jeans and hoodies standing around by the side of the road. The boys asked what all those men were doing, and I explained they were waiting, hoping someone would stop and hire them to work. One of the boys said they hoped they got work soon so they didn't have to stand in the cold. I explained that if they did get a job to do, it may very well be an outside job. I told the boys all of them would be happy for a job, even one in the cold, because they would earn money to take care of themselves and their families. Then we talked about how thankful we should be that our daddy has a job to go every day, and he makes enough money to take care of our family. And he gets to work inside where he is protected from the weather and safe. I hope the image of those men on the side of the road stays with them. That when they think of them, it prompts the boys to thank God for the things He has provided for our family. 

     It was a good reminder for me as well. In the 13 years Joshua and I have been together, we both have always had good paying, steady jobs. In the past, we may have struggled financially because of unwise choices, but we always knew we had a job to go to. We've always known when our next paycheck is coming and how much it's going to be. We've always had everything we needed and been able to get most things we've wanted. 

     I'm humbled as I think about those men. We've not always made wise choices nor have we've always been faithful to do with our finances what God has called us to do. And yet He has been overwhelmingly good to us in this area. 

     I hope the image of the men on the side of the road stays with me as well. That it prompts me to thank God for His goodness to our family. It is only God's grace through His goodness that has allowed us a different set of life circumstances. May we always be thankful for His goodness and grace in our lives no matter the circumstances we are in. 

Fearless

     As I reflect on 2016, I realize how much I wrestled with fear this past year. A lot of that was due to the amount of uncertainty and change our family went through. I realized that fear caused me to run ahead of God to take care of things on my own. It also caused me to drag my feet for fear I wasn't receiving the correct message from Him. In reality I was fearful of the unknown, failure, and my own inadequacies.

     As I prayed about what I am to focus on this year, the word fearless kept coming to mind. I need to wait on God and His perfect timing. I need to move forward courageously when He makes it clear to me what I am to do. 

     To both wait on God and move when He tells me, I need to be fearless. For me, fearless means studying His Scriptures daily-looking for and living the application to my life He reveals to me. Fearless means being confident that God holds the bigger picture and is working all circumstances for my good and His glory as I am faithful to Him. Fearless also means relying on Him to equip me for the work He has called me to do. And remembering any work accomplished in my life is done through Him and His strength. I can't accomplish the work He has called me to do on my own. If I could, I wouldn't need Him. 

     God has also brought this verse to mind many times as I have prayed about this upcoming year. 

Wait patiently for the Lord. 

Be brave and courageous. 

Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. 

~Psalm 27:14

     I am committed to fearlessly waiting on the Lord, accepting what He wants me to do, and faithfully pursuing His call in 2017.

A Stripped Down Christmas

     I've been struggling this Christmas season. Fighting sadness and grief without necessarily understanding why. If I were to be honest with myself, I'm sure there's more than one reason. All of which, I'm sure, are rooted in the fact I haven't gotten my way because God's plan is different from mine.

I've had to ask myself some hard questions.

Who I am looking to to bring me joy?

Where I am looking for peace?

Where have I placed my hope?

If I stripped everything about Christmas down to the baby in the manger, would it still be Christmas to me?

     I wish I could say the answers are Jesus and yes. While pointing others to Him, I've struggled to keep my eyes focused on Him. I've battled the desire for pity parities rather than focusing on every blessing He's given.

     Last night as I laid in bed with tears trickling down my cheeks, this verse came to mind:

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see 

the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

 ~Psalm 27:13

     The baby in the manger means hope rather than despair, joy rather than sadness, peace rather than grief. Jesus is the goodness I experience right here and now. When everything around me feels meaningless and disappointing, Jesus brings meaning and satisfaction.

     Christmas IS the baby in the manger. Without Jesus, everything else is empty tradition.

     Maybe it's time for me to strip away my idea of Christmas and get back to just Jesus.

Feelings Can't Be Trusted

     I am reminded again today how untrustworthy feelings are. Earlier this week my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude and joy for all the Lord has given me.

     The last couple of days I've wrestled with insecurity and rejection. It's so easy to wallow in self pity. But wallowing will feed the insecurities racing through my mind. 

     Feelings are always changing which is why they can't be trusted. The most successful way to battle insecurity and rejection is with truth-God's truth. 

     So I read and prayed through Psalm 139 and Ephesians 1:3-8. Such rich passages of Scripture reminding me how loved and valued I am by my Creator and Savior. As I soak in the truth of His Word, I am overwhelmed by the peace only Jesus gives. 

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”~John‬ ‭14:27‬ 

A Well Lived Life

      This morning we celebrated the well lived life of my precious friend, Elizabeth. It was so evident how much she loved and encouraged every one who came in contact with her. No words will ever be adequate to describe how much she means to me and how much I love her. 

     I feel like I've lost my way a little bit without her. Joshua​​ told me as we were getting ready this morning, "It's okay, Kaydi. It's just hard when people have run the good race and fought the good fight. And they finish before you." He is so right. I love how every person who spoke today pointed back to Jesus because that's what Elizabeth always did. 

     I want to be the person who runs the race well, who fights the good fight, and points people back to Jesus. I will be forever thankful for every memory I made with my precious friend, Elizabeth. The last lunch date we had back in June, it was so evident to me she was in pain and she hardly ate at all. Yet our conversation was filled with her concern for me, and God's faithfulness to her. She assured me I didn't need to worry about her. God would take care of her. And He did. Elizabeth received her healing and reward. 

     As we drove home today, I thought about when she had her stroke on June 23, 2014. We weren't sure then if she was going to make it. I had lost our baby girl, Liana Elise 14 weeks in the pregnany in January 2014. I just remember telling God, You took my baby. Please don't take my best friend too. I need her. And God was kind enough to give me two more years with Elizabeth. I had two more years with Elizabeth's example of living well, running the good race, and fighting the good fight. Two more years to learn from Elizabeth what it means to encourage and truly, selflessly love others. 

     I will spend the rest of my days trying to live out the lessons God taught me through Elizabeth. 

“I have fought the good fight, 

I have finished the race, and 

I have remained faithful.”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭4:7‬ 

Elizabeth

     This afternoon, I walked into my friend Krissi's classroom to deliver some gift cards for our friend. Krissi's students were the first class Elizabeth and I taught at UME. They were writing journal entries about Elizabeth. Then Krissi reminded me she needed something about Elizabeth from me. I just teared up. I've sat down to write about her on this blog many times since her death. And I just can't. No words will ever be adequate enough and my emotions are still so overwhelming. I dread walking into the building every morning. It just feels empty without her. Once my students arrive, I'm fine. This loss is so very hard for me. I emailed Krissi what I wrote on Facebook, the day Elizabeth went home to be with Jesus. This is what I posted that day.

Kaydi Putman Shaw with Elizabeth Terry Shafer.

August 26 at 4:24pm · 

This morning, Jesus called one of His beloved, my best friend, Elizabeth home. She is healed, whole, and happy dancing at His feet. Many times over the last 5 years, we have said that God knew we needed each other and perfectly orchestrated events so our lives would intersect. She has always been able to see me-the real me. And she loved me as I was faults and all. She pushed me to be a better teacher, wife, mother, friend. She always pointed me back to Jesus. She took me by the hand and walked through one of the darkest times of my life with me. I was a broken, grieving mess and she held my hand until I could find the light again. I am a better person because I knew her. My heart is shattered over her loss, but how thankful I am to have loved her so deeply that her loss hurts this much. I was reminded today over and over by people who knew us how much she loved me. As I drove onto our school campus this morning trying to hold it together so I could honor her by putting on a smile and teaching my babies like she would have wanted me to do, I saw a beautiful rainbow peeking out between the clouds. What a beautiful reminder of God's faithfulness to Elizabeth as she received her eternal reward this morning and a beautiful reminder to me that He will be faithful to those of us left behind. Elizabeth, I love you. One day we will dance together at the feet of Jesus.
“Precious in the sight of the LORD Is the death of His saints.”~Psalms‬ ‭116:15‬ ‭

 

     About a week after Elizabeth died, her husband came to check on me after school. He told me it brings him peace, it makes him feel better knowing that Elizabeth is in heaven holding my baby. I miscarried that baby at 14 weeks in January 2014. I wouldn't have made it through that time without Elizabeth. She always remembered the anniversary of the date I miscarried and the anniversary of Liana's due date. Even this summer while in the hospital after her surgery, she texted me a day or two after the date to let me know she remembered and to apologize for not texting me that day. I remember thinking what a rare treasure of a friend she is. She was fighting for her life, and she was still worried about me. Treasures like Elizabeth are a rare find. May I always live in a way that honors our friendship and brings glory to our Savior. 

First Week of School

      We went back to school this week. Monday was Open House. The boys were excited to "meet" their teachers. When your mom teaches at your school, you often know at least most of your teachers. We bought Logan PE uniforms. He dresses out for PE this year. Yikes! I can't believe he is old enough for that.

    On Tuesday afternoon, we went to see Nonnie for our back to school hair cuts. The boys are getting pretty good at telling Nonnie what they want done.

      Wednesday was the first official day. The boys agreed on cinnamon rolls for their special first day of school breakfast. This is actually the first year they started on the same day. That was a little surreal.

     We snapped a couple of quick pictures before heading out the door. 

     The boys had a little bit of anxiety because they mixed up the classes this year. Logan has been with the same group of kids for three years. But that was quickly gone once they realized they still had good friends in their classes even if they didn't have all their best buddies.    

     The boys love of their teachers. Daddy was happy to come home to three happy campers each night. I feel like this will be great year for both boys. Joshua and I are so thankful for the group of people who make up Team Lo and Team Lu. I know this will be a successful year for the boys.

     Lucas and I are so excited that his music teacher was my elementary music teacher! She was always one of my favorite teachers. It's just a blessing that Lucas will get to experience her music class.

     I have two brand new classes this year. The kiddos seem super sweet and eager to learn. I'm blessed to have a few that I've taught siblings or we're friends with their families. It's always a blessing to serve my friends by teaching their children. I was modeling our all about me book, and I asked one of my little scholars who knows me what he thought one of my hobbies or interests are. I was thinking he would say Alabama football, but his response was so much better, "having me in your class!".

     We are looking forward to an awesome school year!

Happy 7th Birthday, Lucas Elisha!!!

     Lucas is 7 years old today. Where has the time gone? 

     I baked cinnamon rolls with sprinkles for his breakfast before I left for work. We also let him open his presents. He declared today the best birthday ever after opening his gifts!

     When I got home from school, Uncle Josh face timed to say happy birthday. Then we ran to Big D's for birthday cupcakes. I let him talk me into a snocone even though it was practically dinner time. He wanted chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese for his dinner. Then we sang happy birthday and ate cupcakes. 

Dear Lucas,

     Happy Birthday! You are your daddy's mini me. You have a big heart like Daddy and love fiercely like Daddy does. You are my wild child. You do not let the opinions of others rule your life. You love Jesus and going to church to learn more about Him. You are independent and bold and brave. You are also my sweet snuggle buddy when you settle down at night.  I'm so proud of the young man you are becoming! I pray you always love Jesus with your whole heart, mind, and soul! 

Love, 

     Mommy

Happy 7th Birthday, Lucas Elisha!!! We love you!!! 

 

Fading Away

      Summer is fading away. It's always bittersweet for me. The excitement of a new school year along with the sadness of leaving my boys behind. This year both boys will go with me every day, yet there is sadness in that too. Knowing they are growing up. One year closer to the independent, godly young men we are trying our best to raise them to be. 

     It's been a summer of transitions, changes, and waiting. There have been joys like my Grandpa's miraculous recovery and new friends that fit into our lives like the last piece of a puzzle sliding into place. Strengthened relationships with old friends we love dearly. We are praying and hoping for a miracle for a dear friend we love. 

     And then another miscarriage. While we know God has allowed it,  He is working is to bring good from it. It is difficult, knowing we will never know that sweet baby this side of heaven. 

     Yet I am thankful. Thankful for the sweet boys God has allowed us to keep. Thankful for our friends who love us where we are and walk the good and bad of life with us. Thankful for the sweet memories with old friends, who though we are separated by miles, are always available. Thankful for all the time spent with my sister. Thankful for baby snuggles that help my own broken heart heal. Thankful that after all these years with my quirks and crazy, Joshua still loves me. He actually loves me more each day. 

     This summer has not been at all what I anticipated. In spite of the unexpected, the sadness, and the waiting, this summer has been filled with grace, mercy, and joy far beyond what I deserve. God is good all the time. All the time He is good. 

     As summer fades away, I am thankful for His new mercies every day. 

“Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”~Lamentations 3:21-23

Forgetting What Is Behind

     Some old feelings of guilt and condemnation raised their ugly head this week. Early this morning as I frosted the boys' birthday cakes, tears filled my eyes as I re-lived my failure. 

     Then at church, our pastor pulled a brick out of a backpack with the word failure on it. And there I was again with tears in my eyes. 

     And then he said, "Jesus can use even your mistakes to write a really incredible story in your life." 

     It's true. From the ugliness of my sin and failure, He gave me a precious treasure. And I get to watch God write two incredible stories. 

     As I leave condemnation behind and strain forward to what God has next for me in my story, those guilty feelings fade away-replaced with thankfulness and joy. 

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,”

~Philippians 3:13

Happy 10th Birthday, Logan Elijah!!!

     Today our Logan is ten years old. As he told me this morning, "Double digits! Hot mess!" Truth be told I've been a hot mess today except when I've been in denial. 10 years...where has the time gone? 

     We started this morning by letting him open presents before Joshua went to work. He loves his gifts and has been playing with his mini drone all day. 

     Then I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and added sprinkles because you can't have too much sugar on your birthday. 

     We had a pretty easy day. I let Logan play video games most of the day. After lunch, we went to Big D's for snocones and cupcakes for after dinner. 

     He wanted burgers and tater tots for dinner. Then we sang, "Happy Birthday" and ate cupcakes. 

 Dear Logan,

     Ten. Years. Old. I can't believe it. You are my right hand man. You are so compassionate. You are my sweetheart and the first one to give hugs. You love your family and friends and are fiercely loyal. You love Jesus with your whole heart and do your best to follow Him daily. You are always considerate of others and their feelings. Yet you love people enough to speak truth in love in their lives. You are a precious gift from God. I'm so thankful He has allowed us to keep you the past ten years. You are a blessing. I'm so proud of the young man you are becoming. I love you so much! ~Mommy 

Happy 10th Birthday, Logan Elijah!!! We love you!!!

A Time For Joy

      July 14th is an important date for our family. The past two years it has been an overwhelmingly sad day. Like pull the covers over your head and have a pity party kind of sad. 

     Today I woke up feeling blah. I have dreaded this day for quite a while. If God had allowed us to keep our baby girl, she would've been two years old. I started my day with a short pity party. Then I made a choice. A choice for joy. A choice to celebrate. 

     For the last couple of years, one of our birthday traditions is to get cupcakes from Big D's for after dinner. This afternoon, I chose to buy cupcakes to celebrate our Liana. 

      Today I chose to celebrate the joy and excitement we felt the 14 weeks I carried her. 

     I love you, Liana Elise! I'm so thankful for each second God gave us with you. I look forward to the day I'm reunited with you and can finally see your beautiful face. You are always in my thoughts and my heart. 

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”~Psalms 27:13-14

Processing the Dallas Sniper Tragedy

     I had the difficult job this morning of explaining to our boys what happened in Dallas last night. Unfortunately I feel like we've had to discuss way too many of these tragedies.  One is too many. But this is our city. And my brother in law is a Dallas police officer.  I began by assuring them their Uncle was okay, but the fear and panic in their eyes-I never want to see again.

     I had texted my sister about an hour before the shootings started asking if he was home. I was nervous about the protesters. But he was still at work. Sometime between the time we spoke and the time the shootings occurred, he had come home. We had just sent the boys to bed, when I got on Facebook and a friend had posted "Active shooter. Two officers down." My heart dropped. I told Joshua to turn on the news, and I called my sister. She didn't answer, so I informed my mom of what I knew while I waited for her call back. She called back pretty quickly. I always try to remain calm and steady because if something is wrong, she needs me to be strong. But this time, as soon as I heard her voice I started crying asking if he was okay. She told me he had not been home long and had just been called back in. Relief does not even begin to describe how I felt when she spoke those words.

     Ironically enough, we had been at their house yesterday morning before he left for work. I watched him kiss the babies goodbye. He hugged the boys and I. I'm not sure why, but yesterday I told him I pray for him everyday. Especially now. And then I told him to be safe.

    I slept very little last night as I watched the news and prayed, listening for my sister to call, but hoping she wouldn't. Finally about 4am I crawled into bed and slept until about 7:30am when the boys crawled into my bed asking for breakfast. Before we got up, through tears, I explained what had happened and assured them their Uncle was at work, but safe. Then they wanted to call their Aunt and make sure she was okay.

     Today I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to help them process this. They're scared. I'm scared. I know we'll start with God's Word. It's the place we always try to start from as we process life and it's consequences. I'm praying and pondering how we'll exactly handle these topics and their order, but over the next several days in our family worship time we're going to discuss these things.

1. All human life is precious because all people, no matter of their skin color, are created in the image of God. People are so special He breathed His very breath into man at creation.

"So created human beings in his own image. In the image of God, he created them; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27

"Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person." Genesis 2:7

There is no mention of color in these verses, just people.

2. God has placed authority in our life for our protection. Even unbelievers who are in authority should be respected because God has allowed them that position. Even when we don't agree with authority we should treat them with respect and follow their orders as long as they are not asking us to sin against God.

"Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. 2 So anyone who rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished. 3 For the authorities do not strike fear in people who are doing right, but in those who are doing wrong. Would you like to live without fear of the authorities? Do what is right, and they will honor you. 4 The authorities are God’s servants, sent for your good. But if you are doing wrong, of course you should be afraid, for they have the power to punish you. They are God’s servants, sent for the very purpose of punishing those who do what is wrong. 5 So you must submit to them, not only to avoid punishment, but also to keep a clear conscience. 7 Give to everyone what you owe them: Pay your taxes and government fees to those who collect them, and give respect and honor to those who are in authority." Romans 13: 1-5, 7

3. Every single person on this earth needs Jesus. We are lost in our sin and separated from God. Our sin and brokenness is at the root of these tragedies. But the Good News is Jesus saves us from our sin and heals our brokenness if we repent and believe in Him.

"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard." Roman 3:23

"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." Romans 5:8

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

"If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

4. We cannot find lasting peace outside of Jesus. Because of His peace, we do not have to scared. He is in control.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. " John 16:33

"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

5. Our response should always be love. We cannot not just say we love all people, our actions must show we love all people. Love covers sin.

"Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law. 9 For the commandments say, “You must not commit adultery. You must not murder. You must not steal. You must not covet.” These—and other such commandments—are summed up in this one commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”10 Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law." Romans 13:8-10

"Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions." I John 5:18

"Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins." I Peter 4:8

6. This broken world is not our home. One day, Jesus will return to take home to heaven.

"But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior." Philippians 3:20

     I'm praying God gives us wisdom and discernment as we discuss these truths and Scriptures with our boys.

     God is in control. I trust He is already working to bring good out of this tragedy. He will use this tragedy to bring people to salvation, and bring glory to Himself. Jesus is good. All the time. Even when it is hard to see.

New Floors!

     Our third week of summer vacation was spent getting new floors in our house. Joshua, the boys, and I were confined to my bedroom for four days and nights. I was never more thankful for every inch of our 1800 sq foot house when that was over. The boys did as well as could be expected. It was just rough. Thankfully a friend had us over to swim on the same day our AC went out in the middle of all of that. All the inconveniences were well worth it because I love my new floors!

     Joshua's dad gave me this chair that I have envied since they bought a couple of years ago. It's my new favorite spot, but I have to chase the boys out of it all the time. 

Uncle Josh Visits

     Our second week of summer vacation was filled with Uncle Josh. The boys were so excited to have him home. At one time I heard Logan say, "We're here for the bacon...and Uncle Josh." He had a list of places he wanted to eat while he was here. Lunch at What A Burger was our first stop before visiting Grandpa in the hospital. We can't take this group anywhere. 

     He spent a couple of days at Calli's and a couple with us. We had a little last minute get together at my house for family and friends who wanted to see him. It was a lot of fun. 

     Our time together is never long enough. We love Josh and are so proud of our sailor! 

     It's hard to believe it's been a little over two years since he started this journey.