Reflection

     Today has been a day of reflection for me. About this time last year, it seemed our prayers was beginning to be answered. My niece, Justice, was finally going home after a long stay in the NICU. We would soon find out, we were expecting our third baby. A baby we had prayed, hoped, and tried for for over three years.

     Then we lost our baby girl, Liana, and our world was turned upside down. Losing her has been the single most horrific thing I have gone through in my life. I have lost plenty of loved ones, close family and friends, but this loss has far surpassed them all. My heart still aches. Even in joyful moments.

     God has taught some important lessons. Lessons I may not have learned or understood to this depth had I not gone through this terrible loss.

    Jesus is enough. I had thought I understood this. But it was never more tested than it has been in the months since we lost Liana. When the tears won't stop, and the pain and grief is overwhelming, He is enough. Jesus is my comfort. He keeps me not just functioning, but living. With Jesus, I have walked through the most difficult months of my life, and I know I'm going to be okay. He is enough for me and every need.

    In the darkest of nights. In the most overwhelming of sorrow and grief. In any circumstance, there is always something to be thankful for. Even when you don't think there is. Even when you would rather wallow in self-pity, there is always a reason to be thankful. I've learned the more you look for reasons to be thankful for, the more reasons you find. I am thankful for my baby girl. I am thankful for the lessons I've learned from her loss. I am thankful for the friends who have comforted, supported, encouraged, and loved me through this difficult time. And I have so, so many more reasons to be thankful.

     God does work to bring good from all situations when we are striving to live for Him. So many women have reached out to me to share their stories with me. And so many women have reached out to share with me how my journey, how Liana has changed their life. How the Lord has used Liana to help them heal. How my faith has encouraged them. Really it isn't about me or Liana. It's really about Him. His will. His purpose. I'm learning to accept the fact that my definition of good and His definition of good are often two very different things. His good is far beyond what I can imagine. Always.

     There is joy even in sorrow. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it when you're in grief dark as the blackest of nights, but it's there. Joy is little arms around your neck and whispered I love yous. Joy is a Sonic vanilla coke after an especially hard day. Joy is shared laughter with a friend. Joy is cards, pictures, and notes from sweet students. Joy can be found in many small moments throughout the day. Just like thankfulness, sometimes you have to be purposeful about looking for it.

"Rejoice always, pray continually. 

Give thanks in all circumstances;

for this is the will of God for you 

in Christ Jesus."

I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Our Week in Pictures

Sunday: Gram made the boys a ninja turtle pumpkin. 

Monday: Lucas did his homework all by himself! 

Tuesday: The boys had swim lessons. 

Wednesday: Logan earned his first T&T award of the year. 

Thursday: The boys had swim lessons again. 

Friday: We had family pictures taken. I can't wait to see how they turn out!

Saturday: Logan was Grammie's date to a friend's wedding. 

I stayed at home with a sick Lucas. 

Then I took Logan to Hannah's third birthday party. As I was getting Logan ready to go, I asked Luc if he knew why he couldn't. He said so he wouldn't get his friends sick cause he has fever. It was really sweet. And sad.

Sweet Brothers

Photos by 3 Birds Photography

Lucas's 5 Year Pictures

Photos by 3 Birds Photography

Logan's 8 Year Pictures

Photos by 3 Birds Photography

Throw Back Thursday

Logan's AWANA Award

    Last week, Logan finished the first Discovery section in his T&T book. This week he received his first award for his shirt! He also completed the gold section of the first discovery section. I love how motivated he is to learn God's Word!