I remember reading an article where Angelia Jolie said waiting to hear your child take their first breath and cry is the longest seconds of your life. Those "seconds" didn't end for me until 14 hours later when my sister brought a video of Logan crying in the NICU. I had an infection and was running a fever. Logan was three days old before I got to see him in person or hold him. The LONGEST three days of my life! The worst separation I faced was being discharged from the hospital 4 days later with my little Logan still in the NICU. I was home 3 days before they called me to let me know Logan was well enough to move to the pediatric wing for the rest of his stay while he finished his antibiotics if I could come stay with him. So I returned to the hospital and we finally came home as a family August 10th. The day our little friend Chelsea Joy was born! I got to meet Chelsea in the hospital before taking my Logan home.
They told that even though it did not look like Logan would have any long term problems from the lack of oxygen to his brain, we were told brain damage or learning disabilities could present themselves later on. God has answered our prayers. Logan has had no major health issues or showed any signs of developmental delays. He has always been at or above where he should be developmentally.
I've learned a lot about trusting God through our life with Logan. Some verses He has given me over the years:
"He who dwells in the shelter of the most high Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!"". Psalm 91:1-2 The few months of Logan's life were all about learning to trust God in ways I had never even considered before. It's amazing how becoming a parent changes your perspective on life. I still have to hand him over to God daily trusting He loves Logan more than I can fathom and desires and sees the best for him.
"Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. "But the very hairs of your head are all numbered."So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31 That first year God also taught me a lot about how He views me as His child. Many times, He would whisper to my heart while snuggling Logan "That's the way I feel about you and Logan and so much more than you can even begin to imagine."
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Cor. 13:4-7 The terrible twos have taught me a lot about the hard and ugly side of love. Let's be honest love is beautiful and ugly at the same time. Jesus on the cross beautiful and horrific at the same time. Although I would much rather learn the hard lessons of love with toddlers/preschoolers rather than the teenage years.
"As in water face reflects face, So the heart of man reflects man." Proverbs 27:19. 12 days after Logan turned 3, Lucas was born. Throughout our pregnancy we prayed they would be close and love each other. We continue to pray that more than blood would bond them together, but friendship and love as well. Logan's heart was and continues to be full of love, joy, and protectiveness for his brother. Logan has never been vicious or mean to Lucas. He almost always responds in kindness and love, even now that Luc is older and hits him. Logan has never laid a hand on his brother. Many times Logan as said Lucas is my best friend. I need to show him how to be a good brother.
"Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgression." Psalm 51:1 God has taught me a lot about compassion through Logan. He was in a Mother's Day Out program 2 days a week this past year. I would ask him at night how school was. Most times, he was excited. Sometimes he was sad and say terrible. When I asked him why, everytime he would say because my friend got in trouble today. It makes me sad for him. I wish he would do what Miss Mary K says so he can have fun with us too. Logan is always the first to offer a hug or encourage someone who's have a hard time. He was given the "Mr. Sweetness" award at Preschool Graduation. His compassionate heart is part of what makes him sweet.
Joshua and I are so thankful for every second of the last 5 years of life with Logan. I can't wait to see what lessons God uses Logan to teach us this year. I can't believe my baby is starting kindergarten.
Happy 5th Birthday, Logan Elijah!!!! Daddy and I love you soooo much!!!!
